©HAIR WARS U.S. Tour 

​                                  'Early Earl' Is Late
Earl is early for everything.  So how could he possibly be late for the Hair Wars show?  Let's backtrack Early Earl's steps and see why his models were in the hotel lobby crying.

Saturday, 3 p.m.:  Earl checks in the hotel with a few of his models.  Others are on the way.

Saturday, 10 p.m.:  Model shows up 5 hours late, telling Earl 'the show ain't 'til tomorrow."  Earl politely tells her to leave - for good!
Sunday, 6 a.m.:  Earl's up as early as usual, going over the day's checklist.
Sunday, 3:55 p.m.:  All the models are completed and are trying to check in backstage.  They're actually a little too early.  Earl is smiling.
Sunday, 5:27 p.m.:  Sexy models convince Earl to let them run up to the hotel room right quick.
Sunday, 5:58 p.m.:  Earl finds the models, but has a hard time keeping them all together.
Sunday, 6:23 p.m.:  Earl & his girls race backstage, only to find out they missed their call.  All that work and money spent for what?   Earl let it slip away.
So the moral to the story is:  No matter how much you prepare yourself to be early, you can still wind up being late.  It happens to the best of them - even 'Early Earl'.

by Hump The Grinder
a series of short stories
based on true hair experiences
The names have been changed to protect the guilty.

                       'Fast Food Frances' had to have it

     She couldn’t help it.  Fast Food Frances just had to have it.  Every time the salon door opened at Richie Rich’s Rightous Salon, one of the most popular salons in the city, the aroma from Big Dickie’s Discount Burger Den across the street rushed inside the salon and Frances couldn’t fight the feeling as she would send one her waiting clients to the fast food spot to scoop her up ‘The Quick-n-Loaded Combo,’ which consists of The Monster Burger - a half-pound processed piece of meat, loaded with strips of bacon dipped in honey mustard sauce, a carton of extra-greasy french fries with extra salt and an extra large Dr. Pepper - and sometimes a bucket of chicken if she planned on working late.  Because she was such a regular customer (eating from Big Dickie’s at least twice every day five times a week), they would throw in a large slice of double chocolate cake for free.  She also was often seen washing down her desert with a few straight shots of vodka.

                               While all this was going on, Fast Food Frances would ignore her customers and co-workers’ warnings                                      about her health.  All that mattered to Frances was that she was hungry and the food tasted good -                                        and she didn’t need anyone telling her how to eat.  When Frances first began working at Richie Rich’s                                    5 years ago, she weighed about 125 pounds and dressed really sexy.  The last time she was forced on a scale (a few months ago), she clocked in at 242 pounds and was wearing outfits that resembled a large comforter or a blanket with buttons.

     Frances never ate fruit or vegetables and acted like she was allergic to water.  She never brought food to work and kept her nose pointed in the direction of Big Dickie’s Discount Burger Den.  While she was a very talented and successful hairstylist, her diet seemed like it wasn’t important to her.  What was important to Frances were the luxuries of life: her tinted-windowed BMW, her high-rise condo in downtown, the plush furniture with all the electronic toys you can imagine inside her home, and of course, those ‘Quick-n-Loaded Combos.’

     Well, Frances is dead now.  She ate her way to the grave.  She put better fuel in her car than food in her body.  This should be a wake-up call to all the hairstylists who don’t eat right.  Stylists are always saying that they don’t have time to eat right – they gotta keep making that money.  Well, you better slow down and take care of YOU, or you’ll be joining Fast Food Frances sooner than later.  EAT HEALTHY !!

'Over-Anxious Ashley' Goes Under Before She Gets Over
                                         Ashley just recently graduated from beauty school, where she was by far the best hair stylist at the city's                                            top school.  Unlike some of the other students, she didn't have time to build a clientele on the side while                                            attending school.  She had 3-year-old Shawanna to care for, while enrolled in college part-time taking                                                business courses.  Ashley was preparing for a comfortable living for herself and her little one (her man                                              took off as soon as their daughter was born and hasn't been seen or heard from since).

As expected, Ashley had a choice of hair salons to work at, so she chose Beautiful U 4 You, a high-traffic salon with a reputation for cranking out high-fashion styles.  The stylists who work there are considered some of the best trend setters in the country.
Ashley was confident and ready to get paid.  But because she didn't already have a clientele, it was taking her longer than expected to build her own regulars.  She was assisting a couple of other stylists, while working long hours, getting a few walk-ins, but not taking home much money.  'Anxious Ashley' had jumped the gun a little by moving into a nice apartment and buying a new SUV.

About eight months later, after struggling to pay her bills and a babysitter to watch little Shawanna, things got pretty tight. 

So Ashley had to move back home with her mother around the same time her car got repossessed.  Some of her so-called friends from beauty school were laughing at her when they saw her driving her new little 'hooptie' around town

                                       It would leave a trail of smoke all the way to the salon.  Plus, some of her co-workers would tease her                                                 because she couldn't afford to go out to eat and drink with them.
                                      But, even with all the peer pressure, Ashley stayed focused.  It's all about sacrificing, she kept telling herself.  She knew she had to penny-pinch and put in her time, as she continued to learn all she could.  Hair is her passion and she was determined to make a good living from this industry.  Sometimes you have to go backwards before moving forward, and she was cool with that.

7 Years Later

                                    Ashley is rolling in doe.  She's still working at Beautiful U 4 You Salon and her clientele is booming.  She                                           recently purchased a new home, with a garage to park her new sports car, along with a spacious living                                               room to display her framed college degree in Business Administration.  Little Shawanna is now 10 years old                                     and attending private school, and Ashley has put away a nice stash of money in the bank, while negotiating                                     a deal for a line of new hair products bearing her name.  She had a plan and stuck to it.  Of course, being talented and having some business sense did help.  But she didn't cave into the pressure and took her time to let her life develop.  Every now and then, Ashley looks around to see who's laughing at her now.

Harriet Sho' Is Popular - At Home !!

     Everybody in Detroit knows Harriet.  She is responsible for creating the famous 'Pull-N-Puffy Ponytail.'  For years, other hair stylists have looked up to Harriet - and she has shared her skills with several other stylists who have gone on to become internationally famous.  Most people in Detroit thinks Harriet is just as known nationally as she is at home.  But in reality, Harriet is just a local hair hero.  She never travels and she never advertises.  Why?  Hell, her appointment book stays full all the time.

     A group of hair stylists who were taught by Harriet convinced her to finally attend a hair trade show in Chicago, and they were amazed that nobody knew who Harriet was - except for her 'homies' from Detroit.  While other less-talented, but aggressive hair stylists were on the convention floor making money and meeting more people, all Harriet could do was talk about how she taught all these people everything they know. 

     Poor Harriet.  All that talent and very little drive to go after the national and international money.  But don't get mad at her if that's all she's searching for.  As long as Harriet doesn't get mad at others for all the money they're making. 

The moral of the story:
You don't have to be the best to make the most.

“Moochin’ Marilyn”
                              My name is Marilyn and my product stash at the salon stays low, but that’s by design.  Why should I keep                               buying products when I can borrow from my co-workers?  That’s one reason why I like working at                                             Multiple Hair Creations.  There are so many stylists, I can rotate who, what and when I borrow. 

                              These workers are so slow, they don’t even realize I hardly ever purchase hair products.  I’ll borrow a                                       little shampoo here, a little perm there, a squirt or two of spritz here, a dab of gel there, a stocking cap or                               three, and lots of bobby pins – whew, I’m so slick I can make a living out of mooching.

One day I sat down and figured out how much money I was saving by not buying what I need at the salon, and believe you me, I’m pocketing big bucks.  I’ve been doing this for months, ever since I’ve been at this salon, and I don’t see an end in sight – I’m just too legit to quit.

MEANWHILE…
                             Meanwhile, behind Marilyn’s back, her co-workers  at Multiple Hair Creations were meeting about how                                  they weren’t going to take it anymore.  They knew  what she was doing, and they came up with a plan.  All                              at once, everyone was just going to say “No,” and let her suffer.  In addition, they all ordered small lockers                              to be placed at their stations, so when they left for the day, Marilyn couldn’t snoop around for products                                  and other items that she would permanently ‘borrow’ without asking – usually late at night when                                              everyone was long gone.

THE DAY OF
You should have seen the look on Marilyn’s face when she stepped into the salon (empty-handed, of course).  Besides noticing that all eyes were on her, she sensed something in the air.  Then she spotted the new lockers at every station except hers – with a big sign on each one, saying “NO - NOT TODAY, NOT TOMORROW, NOT EVER !”

Needless to say, Moochin’ Marilyn had a rough day. Most of her clients ran out of the salon half-done.  She                          was scraping the bottom of the bucket trying to complete a perm that she couldn’t confirm.  Minutes later,                            a tall high-fashion hair do went “pew,” right on cue and collapsed, leaving a strange trail of residue on the                              way through the incredible view of an out-of-order scene that included only enough sheen to reach in                                    between  – while spotting another client who just fled, scratching her head all the way to the parking lot because Marilyn skipped her shampoo and conditioning service. 

Moochin’ Marilyn quit that day.  All that time she thought she was getting over, she was actually going under.  Marilyn is now searching for a new location to resume her penny-pitching ways.  But her old salon put out an APB (All Points Bulletin) on her.  So be on the lookout for Moochin' Marilyn – she is unarmed (no products) and extremely detrimental.

T.P.: Living Without a Plan

     "My name is T.P. and I'm rollin' in the hair business, baby!  I am making 'big paper' up in here.  What in the hell do I need a plan for?  Hey, I PLAN  on making as much money as I want - when I want and how I want, 'cause T.P.'s got it like that."
Well T.P., you had it like that -- until age caught up with you.  Your back is hurting and it's pretty certain you're going to have to pull the curtain.  Reality is real.  The show is over for you, T.P.

     T.P. was always talented - even in beauty school.  Everyone knew she'd make it big in the hair field - and she did - for a long time.  She was set for life, so she thought - a nice big home, a big body BMW and a Yukon SUV.  Plus, T.P. could go on vacation whenever she had the notion.  But time has a way of kickin' you in the ass. 

     Now, T.P. is saying "I didn't put away any money.  I have no pension.  I have no stocks, no 401 k plan, no investments.  My clients used to keep my knot tight.  I remember when I had to double my prices just to break down the rush.  But now, these ailments are slowing me down.  My clients are dying daily, and to be honest with you, I don't even know how to do these crazy new hair styles.  Who me?  T.P.?  Go to a class?  I've always told the clients who want something different to just stick to what I give you and stop searching for new fads that won't last."

Two Years Later
     T.P. is broke.  The beautiful home is history.  The BMW got scooped up in the middle of the night because paying the note got tight.  A bad insurance job lost everything on the Yukon, on the night it mysteriously burned.  Four boxes of weave were in the truck and the fire smelled like burned hair.  It was an awful ending to probably the most talented hair stylist in the city.  But T.P. had no plan.  Living week-to-week, or day-to-day, lasted too long.  The worst thing that could happen to a successful businessperson is to lose it all - but it happens often.

     T.P. was last seen residing in a former client's garage, looking at old photo albums.

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